Nurturing Relationships with the Unexpected

I find it a great temptation to try to control every detail of my life. Despite all I’ve learned about the importance of surrender, I continue to fight the urge to put everything into order – especially when it comes to relationships.

People are busy. I better schedule our meeting well in advance. I need to have a plan. We wouldn’t want to be bored.

But for all my efforts, I continue to find that structure, while having its uses, is limited. I find so many of my greatest memories with friends – points where we deepened our relationship – hinge on the unexpected.

***

Joy likes to come in unexpected ways
Open yourself to changing what you planned
Yes is the proper response on those days
Make the most out of the moment in hand
Adventure beckons you to lovely state
Reclaim the childlike spirit lost within
Improvise your life and don’t dare to wait
Hold to the freedom to take action when
Unforeseen requests are given to you
Excitedly go join your lovely friend
Revel in all the fun things that you do
Times that to memory you will append
Amazing moments in their company
So wonderful and alive you will be

I have my plans all set for the day. Write a bit. Do some web design work. Write some more. Have dinner with my wife. It sounds like a pretty good plan to me. I get to work.

And then an unexpected notice catches my attention. A friend invites me to a fun event downtown. No idea what it’s about. No idea what to expect. But I know I should go. I know that it’s a chance for something fun and spontaneous.

I put on my coat, say goodbye to my wife, and head out the door.

Arriving downtown, we meet and join the crowd. Neither of us know what will happen.

A lady with a yellow umbrella arrives and gets us started. The event is called “Beckoning of the Lovely”. It began as a public art project, but I think it’s just an excuse to be silly and have fun.

We sing happy birthday to everyone with a birthday. We recite a pledge. People get the opportunity to tell us something important. One young lad proposes to his girlfriend. His important message receives a yes and a smile.

We sing again. This time the song is “We’re here because we’re here.” A bit silly, but still meaningful. Is it not enough that you are here because you here? Is it not enough to simply be alive?

The event ends by our signing pillowcases with markers. I choose not to take one, but happily sign my friend’s – and those of several others. We smile at the signatures. My friend gets a drawing of a fox next to one signature.

The event is over, so we head inside for coffee. Over a croissant, fancy hot chocolate and espresso, we talk. I catch up on her life. She catches up on mine. We laugh. We share dreams and hopes. We trade sympathies and encouragement for moments of struggle.

Hours pass. Time slips away. We’re lost in conversation.

As the day ends, we part ways, and I catch the bus home.

The event was fun. The time together was good. But what matters most is the yes. For saying yes to the opportunity is more about saying yes to the person than to the event. It says you care.

***

simple conversations
chance meetings between friends to
forge community

Coffee shops are among my favorite places to work. They’re relatively distraction-free and usually have a pleasant atmosphere. Lost in my music, I sit down and write.

I only pause for a drink of water. But as I get up, I spot someone I know. I wasn’t expecting to see them here. I go say hello.

He’s part of my Taekwondo school and asks about the recent promotion test – yay for red belt. How did it go? What do I need to work on? We talk until he has to get going.

It’s a simple conversation, but it is in the simple and everyday matters of life that we live. Such unexpected meetings ground us in our relationships and in our community.

***

how can so much joy
fit within the small confines
of an envelope

I love checking the mail when I come home. Even though I mostly just get junk mail, there’s always the possibility of surprise.

Turn the key. Open the door. Ooooh, lots of mail today. I wonder if any of it is interesting.

Junk mail.

Junk mail.

Junk mail. Seriously, why do companies keep sending me advertisements for car insurance. I don’t own a car.

Junk mail.

Hey, what’s this? I know that name. Wow. I haven’t heard from them in ages. It’s so nice of them to think of me.

A thoughtful letter is often enough to make my day. To know that a friend cared enough to say hello and wish me well makes whatever challenges I face seem a little bit more manageable. I know that I have people who love me.

Maybe I’ll even write back.

***

There’s a place for order in relationships. It’s necessary to be intentional. But don’t forget to leave room for the unexpected. For in those moments of surprise is opportunity for delight. There’s the chance to grow and build friendships. And to borrow a phrase I heard recently, “building and cultivating relationships is the most important work we ever do.”

***

wake to morning sun
to see someone that you love
and find great delight

I wake up to the sound of my daughter, who had been sleeping beside me. She probably wants to eat. Rolling over, I glance at her.

Seeing me, her face lights up with a smile – a grin so big that it seems to cover her whole face. It’s an unexpected joy and is now one of my favorite memories with her.

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PHOTO: Beckoned by the lovely people. Chicago.