Responding to Disrespect

Maybe I should have taken it as a warning sign.

With my regular barber on leave, I have to get my hair cut at a different place. I found a shop not far away and stopped in to set up an appointment. But after we settled on a time, he asked me, “How do you spell your name?”

“J-O-S-H-U-A,” I replied, a bit confused. I get people asking me to spell my last name often enough, but rarely my first. I wonder briefly if I ought to find a different barber, but I shrug it off. He might have just heard me wrong.

***

Sitting in the barber chair, I wish I’d listened to my instincts.

“Where did you go to school?” he asks.

“Grand Rapids,” I reply. I should be surprised by his question considering he asked me the same thing five minutes ago. But I’m not. A moment earlier, he asked me my name – for the third time.

The experience goes downhill from there. He complains about how hard it was to keep track of all the first time customers. He takes a few minutes to change the channel on the TV. He gets lost in a conversation with the guy in the waiting area. If the barber wasn’t still cutting my hair, I’d be sure the he had forgotten about me.

The level of service is far from my expectations. I feel disrespected.

***

I wanted to respond with anger. I wanted to tell him he was rude. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t happy with the haircut.

But doing what I wanted would not have done any good.

The barber is out of it. He looks and acts like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. Anything I tell him won’t make a difference. He isn’t in a place to hear my criticism. Harsh words, even if true, would only make the situation worse.

I also know my limits. I recognize my frustration and annoyance don’t put me in a position to offer helpful feedback. My rough tone of voice would drown out well intentioned words.

So, when he finished the haircut, I pay, offer a quick thank you, and walk out the door.

***

Once outside, I call my wife. We talk over the incident. She helps me calm down and tells me to go sit with a cup of coffee – wise advice.

As I sit with my coffee, I think back to the barber. How many other people will he serve today? How many other people will leave frustrated and annoyed? I doubt anyone will say anything to him. I didn’t.

I feel bad for him. Could I have done anything different? Could I have helped him? Or did I do the best I could?

I hope he has a better day tomorrow.

***

I’m curious, what would you have done in that situation? How would you have helped the man?

###