Transform Any Situation With a Single Question

“Will that lady just be quiet?” I think. “I’m trying to read.”

It’s late in the evening, and I’m riding the train home. On the other side of the train car, a woman yells into her phone. She’s having an argument with someone. Her voice is too too loud and fast to make out what it’s all about. Doesn’t she know to be respectful to the other people on the train?

Why? Why is she upset? Why am I letting it annoy me? Why should I expect to act differently in similar circumstances?

As I ponder her situation, my frustration gives way to compassion. Her situation must be a difficult one. I hope she finds some peace this evening.

***

The letter leaves me with a strange impression. It says my domain name is about to expire and I need to renew it. That’s true, but why would they go through the hassle of sending me a letter by post instead of email? And the price for renewal is three times what I payed last time. Oh wait, it’s not legitimate. It’s a scam. I get mad at the company for being deceptive.

Why? Why does the scam appear so trustworthy? Why is does it bother me?

Studying the letter, I notice various tactics for persuasion – statements of authority and tactful use of language. Now I can use that knowledge to protect myself against similar tricks. I can use what I learn for good.

***

Sun shines through my window as I wake up. What a lovely night of sleep! I glance at the clock. It’s seven. My alarm went off two hours ago.

I like getting up early. Starting the day with a solid block of writing or work makes me feel like I got a head start. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. Yet building the habit isn’t going well. This is the second day in a row that I slept in. I feel bad about my failures.

Why? Why can’t I get up when I want to? Why isn’t the habit working?

After a bit of reflection, I realize I’d been going to bed too late at night. My body was telling me that I needed more sleep. I decide to be in bed a bit earlier tonight.

***

I’ve been sitting at my desk for an hour. In that time, I’ve checked my email three times, read an interesting article on procrastination, and sipped two cups of tea. But my word-count remains at zero. The story I have to write is a long ways from complete. “Arg! Am I ever going to get started?” I think.

Why? Why am I putting this task off? Why am I avoiding it?

Questioning myself, I realize the task feels daunting. There’s a lot of work to do. And I’m not sure what to write. So I spend some time with a pen and paper creating an outline. With a clear understanding of what I want to write about, I’m ready to get writing.

***

Sometimes people bother us. Sometimes people try to manipulate us. Sometimes we fail in establishing a habit. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we don’t understand. Instead of getting upset or frustrated, you can turn around almost every situation with a single question:

“Why?”

Why do people act the way they do? Why do things work the way they do? Why did you respond the way you did? Why did you not succeed?

Every situation is an opportunity for learning. By asking questions, by choosing to be curious, moments of challenge and difficulty become opportunities of growth and openness.

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