You Cannot Force Kindness

“Will I find anyone?” I wondered.

With the ten dollars Stephanie gave me at the World Domination Summit in my pocket, I planned to buy and share lunch with someone who was homeless. I often make an effort to talk to those that ask me for money, and this time I wanted to do more.

But walking the streets of downtown Chicago, I struggled finding the right person to help. No one seemed to invite conversation.

After passing yet another woman asking for change, I realized my error. The need was all around me, but I excused myself by looking for the perfect situation.

I decided to ask the next person I met.

under skyscrapers
beneath those proud big shoulders
huddle the masses

Don’t wait for the perfect person or the perfect situation before you act. It won’t come. The world won’t match your ideal. Just show kindness.

***

“Hello, Playboy,” said the man I approached, “Could you spare me some change?”

His greeting did not seem too encouraging, but I had committed to talking to the next person I saw. He was that person.

“I’ll take you out for a sandwich if you want,” I told him.

“OK, go get a sandwich.”

I tried to explain that I wanted him to come with me.

He didn’t follow. “Why can’t I just eat on the go?”

We talked back and forth for a minute. Realizing he wasn’t interested in conversation, I decided to move on. I wished him well and continued walking.

He may not have wanted to talk, but I tried to force going out to lunch. He probably made most of the day’s money from the businessmen and women who pass by on their way to eat. Sitting down with me for a meal would cost him.

So I adapted my plan. With the next person, I’d be more flexible.

wind whips though cities
stopped not by towering spires
it flows around them

Don’t hold your plans too tightly. Others may not react the way you think they will. They may not have the motivations you thought they did. Stay open.

***

Walking a bit more, I neared an elderly gentlemen. With one hand, he leaned against his cane. With the other he held a plastic cup. A few coins clinked in the bottom of it.

I said hello. We exchanged names and started a conversation.

We talked about the heat from the last few days. I asked him if he was managing alright. He said he was doing OK.

We talked about the homeless shelter he stayed at. It was a place to sleep, he said, but today he would spend the money to stay at a hotel. The shelter wasn’t too nice and didn’t offer much privacy.

We talked about my work with computers. He called me a computer wiz. He had never learned how to use one, though he said there was lots you could do with them.

After a little while, and I asked him if he wanted lunch.

“Sure. Where are you going?”

“Anywhere. Do you have a preference?”

“How about Popeye’s across the street over there? Some chicken strips and a biscuit would be really good.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a moment.”

I wouldn’t make that selection myself, but he asked for it. It’s said that beggars can’t be choosers. Though that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the choice when it’s offered.

the second option
the one so often unsaid
may be what he wants

Don’t assume people want the same things as you. They have their preferences too. Ask them.

***

When I returned with the food a few minutes later, he put it in his plastic bag. It wasn’t time for eating. Though we didn’t share a meal, I still remained and talked.

After chatting for a while longer, I wished him well. He thanked me for the meal, saying it was much better than the “hobo stew” at the shelter.

He sounded appreciative, but it’s difficult to say whether or not I made a difference.

Maybe he didn’t need someone to talk to. He might have been fine on his own. I could have just been the person who gave him food that day.

Or maybe I did help. He may have needed the conversation. I might have encouraged him.

Will I find out? Will I even see him again? I can’t say for sure. But I’m not worried. Showing kindness was enough for me.

plant seeds in gardens
it is enough to bring life
into the city

Don’t get caught up in getting a result from your kindness. Sometimes you just have to give of yourself and let that be enough. Kindness can’t be forced.

***

I’ll keep talking to those who are homeless. And I’ll keep looking for opportunities to share a meal with them. Perhaps another approach will work better.

###

PHOTO: Chicago – City of the Big Shoulders