The Power of a Single Common Thread

One evening in October, forty strangers get together at an unfamiliar location. But they are not there by accident. They meet for Chris Guillebeau’s book tour.

Although that reason is the only thing we know to have in common, it is enough. Conversations spark up. We speak of our dreams for the future, projects that excite, and struggles and fears that hold us back. We talk about fun and adventure. We bond.

***

See the patterns in the world around you
Shining a light to all that is unknown
In others ever seek to see what’s true
To then connect and no more be alone

You see life through your eyes. Every situation is evaluated in light of past experience. Each new fact is analyzed with respect to prior knowledge. You continually look for patterns, trying to place what you see with what you already know. You seek out the common threads.

Such threads let you process more quickly. If it is familiar, you don’t need to spend as much time figuring it out. You can place it in a context and move on. Common threads also increase accuracy. Instead of looking at something in isolation, it fits into a broader context.

Interactions with others are no different. When you see people for the first time, it’s easy to judge them or think of them in terms of how they look or sound. But when you find that one common thread, everything changes.

***

A single story brings a great danger
You judge them from that solitary fact
When you find what’s common with the stranger
You begin to converse and interact

You can talk to anyone. When you meet someone new, seek out the common thread. Once you do, that shared context lets you see each other differently. Instead of the other person being unfamiliar, you have something that is shared. They are like you in some way.

The thread doesn’t have to be big. At times, the threads that appear most significant aren’t, and the threads that don’t appear significant are.

It can be a common location. If you are both on the beach, you can remark on how beautiful a day it is. Or if you are both hiding under a tree waiting for the rain to stop, you can suffer together.

It can be a smile. For a smile is a special thing to share with someone.

It can be a compliment. If you admire someone’s dog, let them know. If you think their child is handsome, say so.

It can be a book. You can have great conversations with people by commenting on a book they’re reading. As a result of observing me read Chris’s book on the train one evening, someone joined me at the book tour meetup.

It can be a hobby. The other person may have an item – an old film camera for example – that reveals an interest in something you also find interesting.

It can be a place of travel. Occasionally, I overhear people talking about Kenya. I form an instant bond with them – even if I don’t say anything.

People love to talk about themselves. Find something in common and you’ll both be able to do just that.

***

Untwist the threads so that you discover
That they bear so much more complexity
And that one thread leads to yet another
So though another’s eyes you start to see

Threads have more to them than you see at first. Hundreds of smaller threads twist together into something bigger. As you talk, the complexities come out and the ties grow stronger.

Being a missionary kid who grew up in Kenya, I can meet another missionary kid who grew up in a different country and connect instantly. For within the initial thread are countless other experiences: not being able to answer the question of where you are from, constantly transitioning between countries and cultures, and being clueless when people mention certain cultural references. We understand each other.

We talk, and other threads emerge. Mangos are delightful, and samosas are heaven. Under the sea is a magical place to be. Traveling is not something to be done only once a year, but should be a lifestyle. We see each other.

As the complexity unravels, you discover that this person who was once a stranger is really not so different. You see them through the depths of their humanity. You see who they really are. You see beauty.

***

Into a pattern threads weave to create
A tapestry of beauty and of life
It is the makings of a life so great
Saving you in those darkest times of strife

Relationships are but the weaving of many threads. A thousand things in common tie you together. As time passes, you form more and more threads, growing closer together.

Communities are but the weaving of many threads. Threads weave together and form bonds of trust and understanding. As time passes, you become about more than the original thread that binds you together.

In those weavings is a safety net. When you fall or stumble, the bonds with others keep you from falling too far. They give support.

In those threads is beauty. The multitude of colors and patterns speak to depth. Woven in the complexity is magnificence.

***

Many months pass since that night in October. But the connections born there did not end when I went home. From that single common thread, some of us continue to weave our stories together.

###

Woven into something greater. I made this photo in Chicago, IL.