Practicing the Presence of People

Think for a moment about a good friend of yours. Reflect on what makes them so wonderful – their kindness, their generosity, their humor, and their love. Think about their skills and talents. Appreciate all they do – for you and for others.

Now think about the strangers you pass while walking your city and neighborhood. What if they were just as amazing?

They are.

I often wonder about the people I walk past. Who are they? Where do they come from? What do they do? What communities do they belong to? I imagine their stories are interesting.

Their humanity deserves attention. It’s worth noticing. Living in a big city, I’m not able to get to know everyone, but I can at least acknowledge their presence. I can look them in the eye and notice them.

Yet sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fail to notice the people around me.

So I decided to find out what would happen if I paid more attention. For three weeks, I – and several of you – experimented with greeting everyone we came across.

***

_i see shadows all around
of women wise
of men magnificent
of children curious</p>

i see shadows all around
but were i to look up
i’d find faces
shining in the sunlight</em>

It shouldn’t be that hard to say hello to people. A simple greeting involves little risk, effort, or commitment. But the experiment demonstrated otherwise. I had to fight my tendency to look away.

Why is it so hard to look up? What makes me want to ignore those passing by?

Maybe I’m overwhelmed. Knowing that I can’t connect with everyone, I avoid saying hello to anyone.

Maybe I’m afraid of rejection. Will they return my greeting? Or will they stare blankly at me – wondering why I interrupted their thoughts?

Maybe I’m too distracted.

But most likely, it’s because greeting strangers is not the default in my neighborhood. Most people don’t look up either. My surroundings shape my actions.

The purpose of the experiment was to change my default. As the weeks went by, I paid more attention. I looked up and gained because of it.

***

In the Middle East, I was reluctant to make eye contact at first, because I didn’t want to seem pushy, inappropriate or rude. As the week went on, and I met more people, I felt more confident and I made more eye contact. You know what? Everyone really is the same. We all want to reach out and be friendly. At least everyone I remember passing seemed that way.

Frances

People are more alike than different. We all have hopes and dreams. We all strive to do the best with what we have. We all are a part of a community. We all have amazing stories. We all have value.

As we notice those around us, the stranger becomes less strange.

***

When I am more enthusiastically friendly, people usually respond in kind. When I “see people,” I find that my mood becomes more upbeat.

Barb

Wandering through my neighborhood, I pass a woman. I choose to acknowledge her and say hello.

I can’t say exactly what goes through her mind, but it may be something like this: Whoa. Someone just said hello. Is he talking to me? No one else is around. Hey, he is talking to me. He’s smiling. That’s nice of him. He seems friendly. I’ll be friendly back.

She smiles at me and returns the greeting. Given the opportunity to be friendly, most people are.

Continuing on my way, my spirit lifts. I connected with someone. I saw them, and they saw me. The rest of my day feels better.

***

Recognizing another person is a gift in itself.

Josephine

The connection may appear small at first glance. It went no further than “hello.” But noticing someone is a gift.

In that moment, I show respect to the worth and dignity of the other person. I treat them as though they are valuable – and they are.

It’s also a gift to me. When I give, I share from myself. Their reception of my gift affirms my worth and dignity. The connection ties me to our common humanity.

***

As you go through your day, pay attention to the amazing people around you. You may not know their stories, but you can still appreciate their presence. You can still say hello.

“Sawubona, I see you.”

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PHOTO: Shadow of a someone.

PS: In case you missed it, I announced the next mission over here.

PPS: My thanks to Scott, Frances, Barb, Josephine, and Barb for sharing their lessons from the mission and my dad for the title.