A Reminder for When You Feel Afraid

A hundred pairs of eyes rest upon you, tracking your every movement. Friends and family, companions from your training, and strangers — they watch your every step. You stand in the center of the gymnasium. It’s time for you to demonstrate what you know.

What am I doing here? I’m not ready for this. Everyone is going to see how bad I am.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve been training for years. It doesn’t make it any easier that you’ve practiced hard for this day, running through your patterns and techniques a thousand times. You still feel the nerves.

You look around the room. It’s a big room. The ceiling towers high above you. The floor is wide and open.

Everyone will see your mistakes. There is nowhere to hide.

With a bow to your judges, the promotion test begins.

***

With a cup of tea, you sit down at your desk. The paper in front of you is blank. It’s time to write.

Hmm. I feel a bit hungry. Maybe I should go get some cheese and crackers from the kitchen. And have I checked my email recently? I might be missing something important.

The excuses are familiar. You’ve faced them hundreds of times before. But they still tug at you. They still draw you away from what you’re here to do.

You’re here to tell a story, and it’s a hard story to tell. There are parts of that story that reveal what you’d rather not let anyone see. There are parts of that story that leave you exposed. But the lessons from your struggle can help others.

The moment you share your story with another person, they will be in a position to judge you. And you’ll have no place to hide.

You pick up your pen, and the first words script across the page.

***

Sitting in the coffee shop, you watch the people around you. You arrived a few minutes early.

You’re here to meet someone you can help – a potential client for your business. Your skills and abilities could be a good fit for what they need. But first you have to talk to them.

What if I say something stupid? What if my proposal isn’t good enough? Maybe I should call them to postpone our meeting.

You’ve spent hours preparing. You know the person’s needs. You know how you can help them. You know what to propose. But that doesn’t make the fear go away.

When they come through that door, it will be you and them. They’ll ask questions, and you won’t be able to hide.

You pull out a piece of paper to take notes on, and wait for them to arrive.

***

You walk the streets of downtown. On a corner, you notice a woman asking for money. Her clothes are dirty, and her face is downcast.

Just ignore her. Everyone else ignores her. What would I say, anyways?

It’s not the first time you’ve seen someone in such a position. Although you may not be able take away her difficult circumstances, but you can at least offer a small kindness and acknowledge her presence.

The woman has value. She deserves dignity. You can honor her story. You can treat her as human. But it doesn’t make doing it any easier.

Talking to her will bring up challenging questions — questions of privilege, questions of justice, and questions of how you ought to live in light of it all. Opening yourself to her leaves you with no room to hide.

You walk over and say hello.

***

Chances are, you don’t feel nervous when you’re about to brush your teeth. You probably don’t feel afraid when walking to the grocery story. But other times – going to perform, making a connection, sitting down to create, and talking with a stranger – we want to run away. We want to hide.

In those times, I often return to words of wisdom from my Taekwondo instructor. Before my first promotion test, he told me, “You’re nervous because you care.”

The fear. The uncertainty. The nerves. They are a signal of significance. They tell us we are pushing our boundaries. They tell us we’re on the right path. They tell us what we are doing matters.

So start with gratitude. It’s a gift to be doing what you care about.

Lean into the discomfort. Knowing that what you’re about to do is important won’t diminish the nerves, but it will make you braver.

Grab on to that courage. Embrace your fear. And then take action.

Sail on past the fearsome dragons’ isle
Master your fear of danger coming down
Face what seems a never-ending trail
Of heat and fire falling all around
Sail swiftly through the gusting wind and storm
Control your fear of rising crashing wave
Fall not beneath their mighty tow’ring form
But onward sail with firm direction brave
Hide not from the task that lies before you
Embrace the fury of the dragons’ rage
Go do the thing that you are meant to do
The fullest of your skill and craft engage
You may not attain the fame and glories
But you’ll always have the best of stories

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